Now Don't Judge...(that's a start)
Let me preface this shiny new blog with a tiny bit of background as to how I arrived here on this splendid Squarespace template. Now, I don’t intend to dwell on misery and despair here, despite my life-long codependent love affair with both of them (often at the same time…¡escándaloso!); in point of fact, I’ve stopped dwelling on misery and despair in both my blogs and my life, which is precisely why I’ve decided to invade your technology with my observations about my journey out of the mire. To clarify, that journey has not ended, but continues moving boldly forward...and part of that journey is to share what I learn along the path with my achingly beautiful brothers and sisters! ‘Cause if you want to learn something, teach it. And if you want to teach something, learn it. Same coin! Cool, huh?
Now I gotta tell ya, I’ve had an interesting few years (well, interesting to me - if you feel the sudden sensation of yawning in the next few minutes, then please post YAWN in the comments section below)...
I’ve had a variety of ups and downs in recent years. Working in the theatre, life is a constant see-saw ride (I was a portly child, so “down” was a familiar position on a see-saw, and I guess I took it from there) - but, the recent “downs” definitely seemed to intensify. I was working enough, and it was good work, but I was often disappointed. Disappointed in myself, usually. Despite getting along well with people, I didn’t feel like I “fit in”. There was always something to complain about. I could be jovial and wise and circumspect with friends, then descend into darkness and desperation when alone. I was suddenly having all kinds of problems with my apartment, so I let that go, and at the same time let go most of my possessions. Now don’t get me wrong, it felt good to get rid of physical stuff...freeing...but still I cried out, “Why is this happening to me?! ME?!!!”. Very dramatic. But painfully real in my belief system at the time.
If you’re worried that I’m about to say, “And THAT’S when I discovered VITAVIM!!” or “NU-CLOG PROTEIN SLIM GEL CAPS saved my life!!” you can relax. Although I own patents on BOTH those things.
Several months ago, when I felt I was plunging into the abyss yet again, I finally was compelled to pick up a book that I had put down some years ago, called A Course in Miracles. It’s kind of a mind-training course that guides you sensibly out of the clutches of your ego and back to your true self - which is, of course, love. It’s a fabulous, mystical book, and I’m so profoundly grateful for it; but, as the Course says, there are many, many roads home. Everybody needs to find what speaks to them! Now, I had done the Course 20 years earlier, and had a few wonderful, spiritually-fulfilling years following that. Picking up the book again, I found I understood it a lot better than I did decades before. In their “Manual for Teachers”, the book described what I had been going through as “The Undoing” - where your worldly possessions seemingly slip away from you and you’re forced to evaluate what’s truly of value. Reading that, understandably, made me feel a LOT better; that things were happening FOR me, and not TO me (read: victim). In fact, I discovered, everything in this beautiful illusion-of-a-world is happening FOR you, and ONLY for good. GOOD. But, all this is for future blogs.
A major component of enlightenment, according to A Course in Miracles, is forgiveness. Forgiveness for all your brothers and sisters, and of course, yourself (in truth, since we’re all unified in oneness, when you forgive someone else you’re actually forgiving yourself - but again, future blog). And part of forgiveness is releasing all of your judgments and opinions about people. I now understand that when I judge someone, it’s poison. Literal poison. It feels really blecchh. But how in hell, I wondered, can I eliminate my judgments and opinions in this business?!!!
Hence, the title of this blog - Now Don’t Judge.
And THAT’S what this blog is about. Hello? *tap tap tap* is this thing still on?!!
If you’re still reading this, please know I love you. Even if you’re not still reading this, I love you. For reals.
J. Sean