What's Next??
Now, tell me if you can relate.....I hungrily gulp my way to the closing credits of yet another binge-a-rific streaming extravaganza, and almost instantaneously, I feel my once-nearly-lifelike facial expression drop faster than the Golden Globes’ ratings...a dead-eyed glaze takes over, then twists into a painfully plaintive grimace...I glare at the television remote accusingly, giving it a good shake...then I bite it a couple of times frustratedly, like a schnauzer with a squeak toy that’s lost its squeaker...FINALLY, with entitlement worthy of a character from the fourth season of The Crown, I exclaim, “What’s next??”
What will save me from this nagging insta-boredom, this excruciatingly empty moment, this sudden deficiency of anything worthy of my interest? “ENTERTAIN ME”, I howl at the approximately 37 streaming services in front of me as they desperately try to placate me with a random selection of “helpful” suggestions. (REALLY? Is this all that's left, Crave-a-Flix-Prime Plus? Big Brother - The Little House on the Prairie Edition? Celebrities of Amateur Golf Fly Fishing Weekend? Sex and the City 3: Where the Hell’s Samantha??? HOW DARE YOU??
I suspect a LOT of us have been wondering lately, “What’s next?” Probably not exclusively in relation to Disney+ or Mubi or Tubi, but more in the sense of, “when the {expletive} will this [expletive] pandemic cluster[expletive] be [expletive] over???” This is a very understandable [expletive] question! And, at its core, this question has something in common with our addiction to those wondrous streaming services - we’re continuously steering ourselves towards a future show, a future happening, a future moment where we’ll maybe be happy because this craptastic moment just ain’t cuttin’ it for us!
Obviously, these are extreme times we’re soldiering through! Our go-to approach is to surrender to the thought that there’s very little happiness available right now...that somehow happiness is dependent on more options. In other words, if we can’t go where we’d like to go, if we can’t be with others in the way we think we should be able to be with others, if there’s nothing to watch that makes our eager pupils dilate, then there’s simply no choice but to hope life throws us a freakin’ bone somewhere down the road. Until then, we’ll simmer in our own fondue pot of vintage resentment (often from an old favourite family recipe)! But, we’ve overlooked something. Instead of asking, “what’s next?”, we could be asking “what’s now?”
And what the bleep IS now?? Well, now is what’s actually going on, right under your adorable button nose. Now is where you find yourself when you give your coconut a moment’s respite from relitigating all your past choices, or giving yourself ulcers worrying about what fresh hell is yet to come. Now is where you’re able to see that you have everything you need right this second and can feel good ol’ fashioned gratitude about it. Now is where you discover you’re okay in this moment.
See, we’re highly programmed and complex bio-critters (and generally delightful ding-dongs, for the most part). We’ve been conditioned, in every possible way, to believe that our happiness in life is to be found in reaching outward and grabbing at a bunch of stuff. We’ve been subconsciously stamped with a mental Santa-Claus-length checklist of things to procure, such as: a great career, a beautiful home, a photogenic family, secure savings, a beach body, brand-name clothes, fabulous boozy vacations...and a lot more dream-merchandise like you might see on the Showcase Showdown on the Price Is Right: (GAWD I love the Price is Right! Shout out! Spay and neuter those pets, folks!) Not to mention a posse of die-hard friends, a loving fur-baby, a centering meditation practice, a steady supply of Fresca, and, of course, a soulmate. It’s an exhaustive, and exhausting, catalogue. I need to lie down for a few minutes, just thinking about it...BE RIGHT BACK……….hmmm? whaaa? who?? OH...ok, I’m back.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with any of those gorgeous things on the world’s happiness list, and no reason you can’t move towards anything lovely and shiny and pleasurable that life has on offer. We just have to avoid, where we can, getting attached to an outcome. See, we get ourselves in a bit of a jumble when we play everyone’s favourite mental game, “I’ll be happy when I can just get [FILL IN PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING HERE]”. Brought to you by tonight’s Sponsors: I’m Feeling Empty, and Something is Missing (now available in Cool Wintermint - for fresher breath while you grasp at life)! This game has a few simple rules - either we get what we want or we don’t. And if you think you should get something, and you don’t get it, then it’s sufferin’ time! And when we DO get something we think we should have, we point at it and triumphantly exclaim “happiness is mine!!” (perhaps not everybody expresses it in such a formal proclamation like I do in my powdered wig)...BUT THEN, the thrill of the hunt fizzles out, we feel empty again, and we move to the next thing on our list. “I’ll be happy when I can just get blah blah blah…” And...cue sufferin’. And we keep on spinnin’ that prize wheel and hoping for a more enduring outcome..
Now, you might argue that it feels absolutely marvellous when you attain a thing or a goal that you’ve been chasing, and that assessment is 100% fresh! But here’s the thing...when you capture that flag, whatever that may be, the discomfort that led you on the external search for happiness to begin with comes to an end for a hot second... and those longing, nagging thoughts go on silent for a little while. We naturally connect the satisfaction of acquiring our prize with that temporary mental cease-fire (ie. peace, ie. HAPPINESS). But that happiness (peace of mind) is already there all the time! When you stop searching for a sec, your mind gets quiet and you actually notice the peace/happiness underneath the thoughts of “something’s missing”! BUT, thinking it’s the thing you acquired that brought you the temporary happiness, we turn outward when that inevitable feeling of emptiness returns - convinced we need to look outside for the happiness that’s already waiting for us inside! Does that make any sense? Please let me know by filling out the short survey before you leave this blog. (just kiddin’...the survey is NOT short)
And of course, of COURSE a soulmate would be wonderful! Especially if our soulmate is exactly how we think they should be! Ironically, the people we end up being closest to in life are the ones who push every one of our blessed buttons - so that we might have a prayer of sorting out all the baggage (from carry-ons to steamer trunks) that we’ve been lugging behind us for decades, and maybe lightening our load a bit! Isn’t that thoughtful of life to help us out like that?? (it actually is a flippin’ miracle, but I don’t want life to get to a swelled head or anything, so don’t say I said so)
Listen, this pesky pandemic has been difficult enough on everybody without me boring you to death, so I’ll wrap this up!
When we ask, “what’s next?”, we’re missing out on the delectable peace and happiness that’s already here, now. Find that sweet, still spot inside...a good way to locate it is to really stop, look around, and take in everything surrounding you...and how much you have to be grateful for! Even when I throw myself on my bed, dramatically monologuing about how I have nothing in life; I have to admit I do have a bed to throw myself onto and a real flair for dramatic monologuing! And I’m so grateful for that!!! You’ll feel that warm gratitude right in the centre of your chest, and your heart will do a Fandango! (I’m also grateful I know delightful words like “Fandango”)
As I sit here writing this message, from the perspective of living through a global pandemic, it can seem very stressful. But really, as far as I can tell, in this moment right now, not much is different from any other moment. I’ve got everything I need in this moment, as always. And I’m okay!. Before the global pandemic became my backdrop, I was just a ding-dong, sitting here, typing. And now, except for the thought of that pandemic, I’m still just a ding-dong, sitting here, typing. And I’m okay! And that’s something else I can be grateful for!
And underneath your debilitating thoughts about this crazy Covid time, you’re okay, too! In fact, I think you’re magnificent! Sit inside that beautiful stillness, and listen to what your heart has to say. Your heart will tell you what I’ll tell you - you’re ridiculously lovable, and more than capable of meeting anything that life puts on your path! You are a WONDER. I’m so very grateful for you!!
What’s next?? Nothing more spectacular than what’s now! And right now (as always), I love you very much!
❤❤❤